The vet spends Mari's college fund, part 2

Did you know that taking one child and one dog to the vet is one-thousand times easier than taking one child and two dogs? Though it may seem obvious, it was a pleasant surprise for me when I made the second trip to the vet yesterday.

We went back last night for blood work for Kayla. They called back this morning to say that Kayla has a case of...

NOTHING.

Everything turned out normal. So what could it be, I asked?

Though I love this vet, he enjoyed spewing out the medical terms faster than I could write them down for later googlage. Basically what it boils down to is one of the following:

1. Kayla is crazy. She drinks way too much water because she's OCD and/or has nothing better to do. This can be diagnosed by not allowing her free access to giant never-ending bowls of water and seeing if it improves.

2. Kayla is not crazy, but likes to get back at us by peeing on the floor. I guess the only way to diagnose this is to be more entertaining and loving and see if she stops.

3. Kayla may have some super rare form of diabetes that can be diagnosed with hundreds of dollars of more tests. If she does have it, we can give her eye drops for the rest of her life that are WAY expensive.

Guess which option we chose?

Clearly #1 is the cheapest and laziest option. If you guessed #2 or #3, you must be a first time reader.

Field trip

Today I took both dogs and Marielle to the vet. Talk about a good time! I only had two leashes for the three of them. Since Marielle didn't have her collar on, she lucked out and I carried her.

We did a weigh in for all three. Mari is rapidly approaching top dog status, already weighing more than Kayla. Once Cosmo goes back on his diet dog food tonight, it's a matter of weeks before she's passed them both. At that point I suppose I will have to put an end to her riding Cosmo around the house like a miniature pony.

We went to the vet because one of our dogs has been flagrantly peeing all over the house. Guess who -



Did you guess Kayla, the one licking her naughty parts? Or Cosmo, the one running up the stairs after dutifully using the backyard? Cosmo needed a vaccine so he got to come along for the ride.

Total cost= $322.

Take one whif of my house and you can tell I need some antibiotics for Kayla. As for the vaccine, I thought about resisting, saying I didn't want an autistic dog on my hands just to see the look on his face. As much as I wanted to try to ignore both of their needs, new carpet still costs more than a trip to the vet.

We do have pet insurance for Kayla, though not Cosmo since he's uninsurable. Of course I had a brief lapse in judgment when filling out the paperwork and honestly admitted Kayla had a UTI four years ago, so of course none of today's visit was actually covered. That $40 a month I pay VPI is really worth it, especially since when something is covered I'm too lazy to fill out the mountain of paperwork required for reimbursement. Clearly the pet insurers have modeled their practices after the human health insurance business model.

Update: Ooooh goody, it's not a UTI aka something that can be treated with simple drugs. Now I get to go back for some pricey bloodwork tonight. Good times!

It's a good thing this picture doesn't come with sound

Anyone know a good exorcist?

(She's wearing the shirt as a reminder to me.)

Score

I'm on a bus from NY to DC. A bus that cost me $1 plus a 25 cent service charge. 51 seats. 9 passengers. High speed internet. Back to watching Grey's Anatomy...

Random whinefest

Last week was exhausting, but I've come to realize that being in the house is worse. It's so frustrating to try to do anything with a thirty pound 16 month old hanging on your leg whining. The only way to silence the whining is to pick her up and then forget about getting anything done. It seems separation anxiety has finally set in. Yes, I have even held her on my lap while peeing. It's that bad. And no, I can't leave her at the fire station. Apparently Virginia only lets you do that until your baby is 2 weeks old. Not that I looked or anything.

Did I mention I'm sick? I'm actually in denial because I am leaving for New York in 36 hours and it's going to be a fun trip, damnit. If I still feel like this when it's time to leave on Thursday, I may stick our shop vac up my nose to suction out my sinuses. This morning I felt so lousy I had to take one of the precious tylenol with codeine leftover from Marielle's birth. Do you think women have more than one kid just to refill their painkiller stash? Because when I looked at the 2 left in the bottle this morning, that thought totally crossed my mind.

Being home more often, we trash the house constantly. It hardly even seems worth it to try to keep up. I steam cleaned the carpets Sunday morning at 6 am, and then the dogs peed on them at least 3 times before noon. Heaven forbid they use the nice dog door I had installed just for them. If it's raining, forget it.

I feel like even a live in maid couldn't keep up. (But I am willing to try, if anyone wants to let me borrow theirs?). I definitely cannot. At the end of the day all I have to show is a trashed house. Did anyone have to go to the ER? Is anyone in prison? Successful day.

This afternoon I tore a giant disgusting evergreen bush out of my front yard and trimmed our enormous cherry tree. I had an professional estimate done and then decided that maybe I could save myself about $700 that I didn't have to begin with. Now we have a bus-sized pile of debris at the curb, but at least I can look at the hole in our front yard and feel like I accomplished something.

It is almost impossible to climb up a ladder and into a tree with an 8 foot pruning device AND keep an eye on your kid. Luckily we all survived. (Only a couple of branches fell on her head, and they were really not all that big!) Marielle entertained herself wandering towards the street, seeing how close she could get before I would yell at her. I buy fun push toys and bikes and all she wants to do is cover her head with mulch and run in circles in the grass. Daddy got to give her quite the bath tonight.

I am already dreaming of the day when she is old enough to follow directions like "drag these branches to the curb" and "stir mommy's cocktail and freshen up the ice." That's coming soon, right?

My baby likes to party all the time...

Tuesday - Speech Tx & At Play Cafe

Wednesday - TOD & ASL

Thursday - Ranch Party

Friday - Zoo

Saturday - Farm

Sunday - Theater

I hope she doesn't think life is always this exciting, because I can't keep this up much longer!

Poor sport

Possible reasons Marielle's audition was rejected by Signing Time producers:

1. Rachel afraid my knowledge of her secret giant tattoo would get out.

2. Audition only for children 3 and under. Due to Jolly Green Giant sized physique, they did not believe she was actually under 3.

3. Too cute; other children wouldn't measure up.

4. Leah afraid for her job security.

5. Jon Stewart intervened personally; afraid of the chance to miss seeing me at his taping in May.

6. Knowledge of our love affair with cued speech. Afraid we would recruit others to our side.

Really I just can't come up with any other reason that of the 400 tapes, hers wasn't one of the 15 or so chosen. Surely it wasn't that there were 15 kids that were cuter or better signers. Unthinkable!

Wanted: personal travel agent

I can hardly believe I didn't have to travel anywhere from late December until last week. Over three whole months of staying home! I made a couple of road trips to Richmond and Charlottesville since Christmas, but I only partially count those. Until I am being pooped on by a wild crazy baby while dragging her through an airport or train station, it doesn't count.

Three months with no flying has got to be a record for me. Marielle traveled more in her first year of life than Barry did in his first 25 years. Now that she's mobile and I'm not nursing, we will not be dragging her on as many trips. I quit one of my clients that had me on the road all the time and am trying to stick closer to home, at least until she goes to preschool, but by the looks of my calendar I need to try harder.

Next week I am off to New York, solo. It will be my chance to relax and recharge my batteries in preparation for the trips ahead. I bought a round trip bus ticket for $2.50 thanks to a heads up from Badger so I just had to go. My bag of tricks will include tylenol PM and maybe a magazine. Perhaps a candy bar and diet coke if I really plan ahead.

After being home for 4 days, it's off to the airport. Mari & I will spend the first week of May in Atlanta and Chattanooga. It's the first time I bought her a plane ticket. Gone are the cheap days of the lap child, hoping there was an empty seat next to me. I just don't think my mental health - much less my phsyical strength - could handle having to hold her in my lap for several hours.

We have 8 days home and then it's back to New York. We have tickets to see Jon again! Unless of course Marielle's audition tape catapults her into the big leagues and we have to make a quick trip to Utah. It will be a really hard choice between Jon and Rachel if it comes to that.

In June we're off to Milwaukee. I would love to stay longer and travel through Wisconsin if we can spare the time off from work and have a few extra bucks or hotel points laying around. (I'll bet you've never heard someone say that before!)

July is Grachael's wedding in Boston possibly followed by a return trip to Maine.

After July I don't have anything planned until camp in September. That's another road trip. There's no more flying until the first week of December and then will be done for the year. Hallelujah!

All aboard!

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions for surviving today's trip. I am a bit disappointed that my three relatives with extensive college education in early childhood development came up with nothing. I think I did pretty well anyway.

I bought this puzzle at CVS for $3.

When Mari saw the guy surrounded by instruments she perked up and said "DADDY!" clear as day. I thought it was a fluke, but when I showed it to her later and she immediately signed "daddy." Then I put it away so she would forget about it until I whip it out on the train.

I realized yesterday that it takes Marielle a good 30 minutes to get through a teething biscuit. I packed two, a heavy supply of wipes, and a plastic bib with sleeves.

I also bought the panda per NG's advice. Marielle saw it and loved it; I had a hard time hiding it away until the big reveal. Then I hid it so well even I forgot where it was. Luckily it surfaced at the last minute.

Other assorted goodies include the felt sandwich I made this week, a magnadoodle, various books I bought for $1, old laminated flashcards she hasn't played with in awhile, her favorite little, some nesting cups, etc. I also got a bunch of Thomas Trains at the consignment store today for less than 50 cents each! Everything is completely disposable. If we leave it behind or lose it, no big deal.

Everything was then put in ziploc bags - except the doll, because that was just too creepy. (Mari's speech therapist brings toys in ziplocs every week and half the time is spent just making Mari ask "open" and actually help open them.) I then packed everything in my trusty LL Bean backpack, a travel staple.

Ta da! Room to spare!

I later realized I hadn't packed a single thing to entertain myself. I'm a realist. Gone are the days of the neck pillow, ipod, People magazine, Tylenol PM and slippers. Now when I happen to travel by myself, I barely take a thing. Last week when I went to Richmond I took a shirt, socks and a pair of underwear--had to go to the drugstore for a toothbrush as I hadn't even remembered that. One thing a baby has taught me is that there are drugstores everywhere, and you can always buy what you need when you get there. The other thing a baby has taught me is if an when baby falls asleep, mommy should fall asleep immediately. Oh, and lastly that she will always poop all over herself at the most inopportune time. Better go pack an extra outfit.

Where's the beef? It's in Marielle's mouth.

Today we met some of our friends for baby play time at the latest and greatest thing to hit Reston. No one had to clean their house and someone else watched our kids! What more could you ask for? Brownies? Oh, there were brownies.

They had 3 adults in the play area to watch the kids. One girl said she had studied ASL for 3 years in high school. I promptly kidnapped her to be our nanny. That reminds me - I need to go poke some holes in my trunk.

Marielle fell in love with a meat patty. We couldn't decide if it was sausage or beef for a burger. She carried around for an hour, until she figured out by putting it in her mouth she had both hands free. Then she carried it around in her mouth for an hour.

The cafe had lots of seating areas with outlets. I am getting a season pass and moving my home office. If you think I am kidding, stop by the cafe and visit sometime. I'll be at the table in the back corner.

Outsourcing: the results

We got our letter M today from Laura at the ASL playgroup! We also commissioned other letters for some of our friends - I'm trying to single handedly start a new trend. If you want to be hip like us, check out Laura's etsy shop and custom order your own.

Crocheting and knitting are way beyond my crafty skill levels. People say if I kept trying I would get the hang of it, but I am highly skeptical; instead I beg and/or outsource.

I fell in love with this random woman I saw in the Martha Stewart show audience. I rarely watch the show but had just happened to Tivo this episode and was fast forwarding when I saw her. After some extensive google stalking I found her website. She wasn't selling the items online but was selling the patterns. Grandma J was kind enough to whip up my favorite and give it to the Easter bunny to put in Marielle's basket.

We love that the snake can "eat" the mouse, or a variety of other toys. When this picture was taken he had consumed a squeaker from a dog toy and a plastic easter egg. It takes a lot to fill him up, and Marielle loves stuffing her play food down his throat.

He's great to use when doing our the "s" in our Ling six-sound exercises and the mouse can be used for the "e" sound. But it's much more fun to just spend your days shoving wooden eggs down his belly!

When craftiness attacks.

Fat-free, low-cal and high fiber:

I saw custom silhouttes online for a decent chunk of change and thought it was a cool idea. Then I remembered the IRS took all my money. Idecided that some scissors and my leftover scrapbook paper could make about the same thing for freeeeeeeeeeee.

One way to get rid of all those random stickers that have accumulated over your scrapbooking years:

(It's shiny because the glue coating is still drying. The glue keeps her from peeling off all the stickers.)

I spy someone who might need a new job very soon

Remember when Robert Hanssen was arrested? Maybe that's just me that was interested. It was big in the news around here and I was fascinated with all the drop points, marking trees to indicate where files were hidden, etc. A lot of them are close to our house.

I am the next Robert Hanssen! Well without soviet secrets and lifetime jail sentence but with all the sneaking around and secret meetings.

I have a new client that is keeping me on the down low. They don't want one of their existing lower level staffers to get wind of the fact that she's about to get canned for complete incompetence. How bad is she? So bad that I am secretly doing the majority of her job duties in 10 hours a week. I'm not sure who she thinks is doing the work, but as long as she's not lifting a finger, she's happy about it.

Last night I had a secret rendevous to drop files in the garden tools section of every mom's favorite local mega store. There lots of other fun going on that makes me feel like my job is much more exciting than ordering LCD projectors and booking hotel rooms. I could say more that would make me sound even shadier than I really am, but I'm thinking of patenting my new signature forgery technique.

You never read this post.

Just for the record

I am not the only one making felt carrots. Apparently it's all the rage. I just bought some more felt yesterday to make fried eggs.

(I know my parents are wishing right about now that they had all that money back that they spent on my college tuition.)

Horse tranquilizers?

This Friday I am taking a five hour train ride with Marielle to meet the newest member of our family. We're coming back Sunday.

That's a lot of sitting in 3 days, but not as bad as driving would have been. At least now I can sit by her and she can hear me yelling at her to shut the @#($&*$ up and take a nap. (Kidding!) (Kind of!) In the car she can't really hear a thing, and goes ballistic after about 40 minutes of sitting in the back seat by herself.

Anyone have ideas for entertaining a crazy toddler on a train for 10 hours total? I want to take as little with us as possible, so no DVDs on the laptop for example. Ideally everything would fit in one backpack since I'll also be dragging a carseat, suitcase, and giant toddler.

I was thinking I could hook her on one of those dog trolley systems our neighbors use. Hear me out --I'm not a monster, I wouldn't put the collar around her neck! More like a harness around her belly. I could tie it to each end of the train car, then sleep soundly while she bugs the other passengers for hours. Brilliant, yes?

When thinking up ideas for us don't forget she is immune to Benadryl. Otherwise I might just pack a bottle and call it a day. Mommy, however, is not immune to adult beverages they might serve in the dining car.

I bought some sort of magic coloring book at Target today. Other than that, I'm fresh out of ideas. Finger puppets? New flashcards? Reading to her from whatever newspaper I find discarded in our train car? I'm waiting on the edge of my seat...comment away.

DC drive-bys

Stick with me long enough and I will take you on a fascinating DC tour of places-I-like-to-go-that-I-always-forget-are-closed-on-Mondays.

That's not my daddy!

Really it's just a trick to get you to babysit my kid while I nap in the corner of the first store we find that happens to be open. If you are lucky, we can even do a slow drive by tour of the cherry blossoms and mark that off our list for the year.

We may not have had overrated cupcakes or delicious sandwiches, but we did discover that Marielle loves lebneh, Dean and Deluca sells candy the size of my thumbnail for $10/piece, and Mari really loves trains.

Cheese and free entertainment - what more could a kid want?

Myths and legends

Marielle wonders if stories of a college fund could actually be true.

Super shopper

What $120 and an afternoon at 4 thrift/consignment stores will get you:



(13 shirts, 8 skirts/skorts, 2 pair of shoes, 1 pair of PJs, 1 dress, 1 jacket, 2 pair of pants.

All are gymboree, old navy, children's place, norstrom or hanna andersson. (Not that my daughter doesn't wear clothes from Target, but I wasn't paying $3 for a shirt I could buy new at Target for the same price.) I spent so much time at one store that I could look at something and tell you what brand it was without even looking at the tag.

I take a sick pleasure in looking at my child and thinking "that entire outfit you are wearing cost me $2."

Now it's off to run everything through the super duper "baby wear" cycle of our washing machine. Don't want the clothes smelling like random-person's-basement when they could smell like dog-urine-soaked-home. Mmm.

Greetings from Richmond

Ever spent $104 at a thrift store on nothing but kid's clothes?

I have.

Ever been the only person in the whole movie theater?

I have.

Ever considered moving somewhere just because they have awesome strip malls?

I have.

37?!

I am so impressed at Hillary's latest proposal.



And most of all at her ability to keep a straight face.

The last 7 1/2 years has been a non-stop April Fool's Day joke. Can't wait for November!!

She surely didn't learn THAT by watching me

From the most recent progress report written by her teacher

..."Marielle chews her food well..."